Brace yourselves...

It's going to be one heck of a weekend.

I need to try to get to Walmart tonight in Farmington to pick up my Rx refills. While I'm there, if I get to go alone, I may get my hair shaved off cut. Please tell me it looks nice tomorrow, even if you live thousands of miles away and don't know what it looks like/looked like before.

Then, I am getting up at 6 am tomorrow to drive to Lewiston (45 min) and take a 3 hour sugar test that I absolutely refuse to fail. R.E.F.U.S.E. I intend to exercise in between drinks in order to boost my body's insulin production. I will also be fasting (both reasons why I will crawl out of bed that early to do it) which means unless you want to tell me my hair is fabulous you should avoid me tomorrow. Pregnant woman + messed up eating schedule = G.R.O.U.C.H.

I also need to purchase a gift for a certain young man who will be (gulp) 13 on Sunday.

My husband expects to be building a barn on Saturday morning, and as much through the day as he can manage.

Probably straight from Lewiston I will be going to Michael's first baseball game in Brettuns at noon. Unless of course I have to drive past it to pick him up so he can attend it, I really don't care to watch the team without him there. It will be followed by Brian's first baseball game, conveniently at Brettuns. On the plus side, they have a port a potty. On the even plusser side there's a little variety store just up the road with excellent, FLUSHING facilities. Then it will be time to bake a cake in preparation for the birthday festivities.

Hard to tell who's going to cook supper, might go for pizza.

And that folks, covers my day off!

Sunday of course will be filled with church until 1, followed directly by a nap, and then a birthday supper of Italian Casserole followed by a birthday party for the aforementioned 13 year old. He just announced he wants an apple pie. Hmmm. We've never not had cake in this family, I'll have to consult the apple pie maker (Bill). That could get me seriously off the hook though!

Relaxing, refreshing weekend, no?

And next weekend, I work 8 hours for Melissa on Saturday! Woo HOO!

Learning a lot

Sarah asked how the job was going. Well, I can honestly say I'm learning a lot. I'm learning lots of little side streets, that my car is too hot on cool air and too cold on ac, and that I don't like working full time. I'm also learning that my kids don't get out enough, because frankly they are thoroughly enjoying spending time out at sitter's, I'm not much missed! I also learned about myself that I do NOT like to be focused on making money. That whole thing where I can only stay focused on a certain number of things, trying to earn money is not what I like to focus on. You know, that whole how many hours and where can I fit this in and such. Not my style. I make a very good stay at home mom. On the plus side, I can honestly say that I have never been one to want my husband to work work work to earn money either. There is just so much to be said for family time, that I hate to sacrifice it for money.

Of course, that explains why we have debt as well.

*sigh*

But we have well adjusted, happy kids. Who are tired of spending time with their mom.

I DID IT!!!

I had no idea on Monday just how satisfying this would feel! I completed the entire week of training, all four nine hour days, though the 4th day cut out early and I wasted no time leaving! I am now gainfully employed! Birds are singing (seriously, my windows open) children are happy (they actually griped when I came to get them early, thanks for the great job Nicki!!) and I can breathe a bit easier.

Now I am going to plan out my routes for tomorrow, when I hope to get in my first day out "in the field"! Honk if you see me, I'll be the minivan with the US Census Bureau Official Business sign!!!

And the answer is....

***UPDATE***
The ultrasound is scheduled for May 6. Sigh...
*** UPDATE***

I know you are all anxiously waiting to hear whether or not this baby is a boy or girl...

No one more anxiously than my boys...

Except maybe a group of seventh grade girls at the Middle School...

Well, I had an appointment yesterday (finally HEARD the heartbeat)...

And everything looks good...

And my next appointment is May 6...

And we are waiting for someone to call with an ultrasound date...

That had dang well better be before May 6...

And THEN we will have an answer.

Isn't the anticipation enough to drive you nuts?!?!

Just reread my last post...

...and realized all the things that I was planning or had done... NOT planning to be pregnant.

I was going to go to the gym this fall.

I was going to enroll Z in Pre K. (Now I'm worrying he is too young, I've heard many a kindergarten teacher talk about the difference between fall/spring babies and summer babies!)

I was going to clean out and rearrange Michael and Zachary's room.

I was going to hang shelves in there.

I was going to keep up with the motivated moms list and have a cleaner house.

I was going on vacation with my mom this summer.

I was going to plant a garden and can vegetables.

I was going to focus on frugality and saving money.




Instead?

I'm pregnant, and I can't seem to get out of my own way.

My husband reminded me, per my request, that I NEVER was able to cook supper when I was pregnant with Zachary, not without throwing up anyway.

He's going to a firemen's supper tonight.

We are going through the drive thru.



Am I depressed?

I think part of me is trying awfully hard to be.

But... I can actually feel the baby move. Oh, well, I have to lay almost totally on my stomach and it probably squishes the poor little guy kid but then I feel him her IT moving ever so slightly.

Then I remember how terrifying labor is. It took 4 times for me to remember enough that I now know at three months along it is TERRIFYING. Selective memory.

Then I see pictures like this:

He's the newest member on my side of the family.

And get a birth announcement with a sweet picture from Bill's side of the family.

So I read the talk found here:
http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-947-9,00.html

(my linking skills are off!)

that was recommended by a couple of people. It was really good.

And that leaves me at thinking, "Hey, only 187 more days! I can do this!"

Now I'm going to lay down, before I change my mind again!

An UPDATE

Dustin is playing basketball for the AYS Nuggets. He's liking it, and so far the team is undefeated, having played each of the other teams once. This last team was the closest game, and I'll be darned if sitting in the audience I wasn't thinking the coaches should settle things down a bit. Middle schoolers you know, they get a bit full of themselves and play far rougher than necessary.

Brian was pleased with his progress reports, he was so disappointed by last quarter's report card it was nice to see him happy about it.

Michael brought home the papers from the Unit on Space they have just finished. It amazes me how much they learn about each planet! I commented that I was surprised to read Jupiter has 63 moons. I said, "How do they all fit around it?" He replied casually, "Well, it is a REALLY BIG planet." So it is.


Zachary has been sick for the last two days. A temperature, and runny nose. He is trying to turn it into croup, but luckily with little success at this point. I have high hopes that Bill and I might both be able to get a good night's sleep tonight.


Bill is, well, tired. See above.


And me? I got a job. I know, it's a little crazy, but I applied to be a census taker back in December, not knowing I would be pregnant. I just need to get through the week of training (five days in a row, 9 am to 5 pm) then they ask a minimum of 20 hours a week, and it's an 8 week stint. I should be able to do that. They pay too well to not give it the old college try anyway! Wish me luck, if I can make it work that's a whole credit card balance I will pay off, all by myself!

Better

Not a lot better, but definitely better. I have to give a shout out to my favorite doctor. I am seeking a new midwife office, I think, because having been to the Farmington practice twice now I'm not satisfied. My family doc was disappointed that I didn't press the OB further to help me with my nausea. For the betterment of pregnant women everywhere that would have been the right thing to do, but I was just too exhausted to care. I knew I could make an appointment with her, and be listened to. I think the OB knew what most pregnant women complain of, and dismissed it as typical, while in the same breath reassuring me that this being my fifth I surely know what I'm doing. I'm considering keeping the appointment made when I left his office, just to tell him why I'm dissatisfied and changing doctors. But I don't think I will, I doubt it would matter. It does speak, however, to the wonder and joy that is found when you can find a medical professional who actually listens to the words you say, and will seek beyond the knowledge in their head to find your answers.

Unisom. Don't lecture me, I'm taking half a tablet (no gelcap, different stuff) at bedtime, and as an antihistamine it is helping me not feel nauseous at every gentle pressure on my abdomen, including my clothes! AND it's actually rated a class A drug, safe for pregnancy. It would be nice to not need it in awhile, but in the meantime, I actually took Z out to the library today for story time, AND went to the grocery store.

Also, I'm taking extra B6. It's helping to prevent that feeling of my food just sitting in my stomach like a rock, it's a metabolism aide. Evenings are still pretty rough but I can sit upright all afternoon. My kids have noticed the change, and I still promise you that they (and Bill) are the only reasons I haven't just allowed this to run it's own course, this baby needs a mommy, but so do my other boys!

The News You've All Been Waiting For...

It's a BABY!

Yep. The heart is beating, and the little person has been there for a WHOPPING 10 1/2 weeks. I have to admit, I let out a little shout for joy knowing it was a week and a half more than we had originally thought.

That works for me.

September 20, for those of you who care to mark their calendars.

Heaven help us all!

Yes, I have pictures.

No, I haven't copied them to put them on here.

Give me a few months, I will get to it.

The boys? Mixed reactions, mostly trying to figure out what all of this means. You know, kind of like Mom and Dad are trying to do. ;-)

Thank you for your prayers. I'm still sick as a dog for now, feel free to keep them coming!

My Blessings

I want to thank everyone, including my aunts through email, for their sweet thoughts and comments, it has been really nice opening my email to sporadically find people thinking of us and wishing us well.


I also want to warn you, this blog is the closest thing I have to a journal right now. I have learned to hesitate from putting my most intimate thoughts, this is after all the Internet. And I enjoy meeting new friends and reading about each other's lives. There is a mom in Chicago who could be me five years ago!


But this whole pregnancy issue is such that I just feel I have embarked on an emotional roller coaster, and if you are willing to hang on tight you are invited to come. I can't promise where we will end up, unlike parks and Disney we may get dropped miles from the beginning. But the Lord promises me it will be where we need to be. I can't begin a separate pregnancy blog, as I have seen others do, because unlike other women being pregnant seems to consume every fiber of my being, and I can only be one person. If it's too much to take, know I love you, and won't be mad if you leave me for awhile.


At the moment, things are really good. I feel the need to count my blessings, they may not all be blessings in your eyes, but they sure are in mine!


1. First and foremost, my wonderful husband. The man is truly a gem, even though he had the nerve to ask me if I was ok when I was in the middle of barfing my guts out the other night. He also manages to do every little thing I ask him to, and the man keeps house better than me, even with a 50 hour a week job. The best part, is that when I ask him to come and sit with me instead of whatever he was doing, because I need a distraction from myself, he jumps to it. I could never get through this without him.


2. My kids. I have four, you know, potentially a fifth on the way. They love each other, they love me. They worry about me, they teach me, they even take care of me. My darling three year old loves to come up to me when I'm not feeling well and say, "Mommy, do you want me to get you a drink of water?" He also asked about Advil until I finally told him Mommy can't have Advil anymore right now. He's a peach. They all are. Michael hugs me with great frequency to help me feel better, and Brian and Dustin are quick to do anything, firewood into the stove, make their little brothers' lunch, anything I'm not up to doing. They even pick up toys and fold laundry, bless their hearts forever. Oh, and they read Zachary stories, a true gift.


3. My mom. My whole extended family, but really the most is my mom. I told her about all of this last Tuesday, and she called me that Friday morning to tell me she finally woke up without a headache. She thinks she is past worrying now, because really she is not a worrier and worrying won't help a thing anyway!


4. I have enough. I have a warm house, food to eat, clothes for myself and my family, and even a little extra. We even got satellite service back this week, I never knew how much I would miss Noggin.


***WARNING*** It's about to become VERY random.


5. Noggin. I actually watched it the first hour after the installer left, even though the older boys were at a movie and Z was asleep!


6. I've been feeling a bit better since Sunday. Smells still get me badly, but yesterday I even forgot to eat my mid-morning snack until my stomach lurched.


7. I threw up last night. It was the after taste in my mouth that did it, it was nauseating so I tried brushing my teeth, figuring either I'd be better off or puke. I puked.


8. Puking is a blessing to list. You see, miscarriage tends to follow feeling suddenly better, as my hormone levels drop. So being sick like that suggests still pregnant.


9. Still pregnant seems like a blessing. A week ago, it didn't, but man, if my pregnancy could go on like this, I could not just live with it, but be happy in the midst!! Ah, the gifts of God.


10. Prayer. I am so grateful I can talk to my Father in Heaven, and know that He will listen to me, and help me feel better, even if the trial doesn't go away.


11. Scriptures. I have my very own copy you know. There was a time that such a thing was hard to come by. Now scriptures are everywhere, even on the .net, and yet people don't make the time to read them. Lately, I have made time, and I am grateful. If this pregnancy doesn't result in a baby, but does result in my daily scripture study being strengthened, it will all be worth it.


12. My friends. I have great friends online, but I have superfabulousfantastical friends in real life. They are good to me.


13. Sneakers. I like my sneakers.

OK, I'm tired now. The rest of my blessings will be numbered in my head. Nap time.

Best Laid Plans...

I haven't been around much, sorry about that. I have an award from Jenn and a give away win from Tracey I meant to post, since DECEMBER, but I figured the Christmas rush would be over and I would have plenty of time.

I FINALLY took down my Christmas cards, yes, on VALENTINE's Day.

I still need to take my Christmas/Winter decorations off my front door, but don't have the gumption to do it.

I lay on the couch most of the time feeling nauseous, and none of my clothes are loose enough to be comfortable, but I haven't gained weight. I rarely have had the energy to even use my laptop, sitting upright for long is just too uncomfortable.

I've puked three times in the last week, but I don't have the flu.

I can't cook dinner any more, the smell of it drives me to hide under the blankets of my bed, and I refuse to allow my husband to cook anything for longer than 20 minutes, same reason. I did put a roast in a crock pot yesterday with no problem, but I let it cook in our garage.

I can't stay up past nine without feeling disgustingly bloated up so that I can't stand myself anymore.

I overheat at the drop of a hat, and the overheating makes me nauseous. But my feet are ALWAYS freezing cold.

So, if you showed up to read this, and made it this far, you either know what I'm about to say, or deserve to find out.

I'm pregnant.

Yeah. Uh huh. I know. We can't afford it, we have no where to put him/her (her? who are we kidding?) and after the last pregnancy the odds that this one will go well are extremely slim.

And I don't want to be pregnant. Yes, I know what causes it, the methods of prevention, not to get careless, please spare us the lectures. We do, well, did all that, and here I am. The only thing to save me now is divine intervention, which would be ok with me. My poor kids have suffered enough lately, the Lord has put us through a lot. It just seems mean spirited to ask them to go through this now.

OK, the part you hung in for. The reason you are still reading, and hopefully don't walk away hating me.

But, the Lord God Himself knows best for me, and my family, and this little person that appears to want to join us. He knows what will strengthen us, and what we can do to uplift His other children. He knows where we belong, and when we need to come, and I'll be darned if I am going to argue with Him about it.

No, even though my youngest born starts preschool this fall, and I had all sorts of ideas on how to spend that time (I even applied for a job, hah!!) the fact of the matter is the Lord knows best, and I trust Him.

I might not be too thrilled about it as I lay exhausted from... well, blogging, on my couch, but I'll get past that. And we will do what it takes to clothe, feed, and love another baby. Who will grow to be a fine young person who may very well save the world. The potential is always there. We just have to let God do His work.

I'm so excited I can hardly stand myself!

Flipping through the channels in a desperate hope to find ANYTHING but figure skating/gymnastics (we've cancelled the satellite because we are poor) we came upon a brief gem. President-elect Obama was speaking on channel 8 (why 6 didn't carry it I'll never know) and we listened. He spoke at the Washington DC mall, just as Dr. King himself did. He spoke of the great men and events memorialized there, but emphasized that the true miracle of this country are indeed the people who make up this great nation.

Hello. Democratic president speaking.

He spoke of the need to pull ourselves up, and the certainty that it will be done. He said that it will take time, it always does. He also stated that our country is not measured by our actions when times are easy. Oh no. He reminded us of farmers and shopkeepers who stood rightly against tyranny in our beginnings and WON. Our country's worth is measured when we are struggling.

I s'pose we can be grateful to GW for one thing.

But the best of all, the most glorious thing, was that my children sat mesmerized. And they were not chastised of all the enemies out to get them. They were not told of the need to defend and protect ourselves from the end of the world. There was acknowledgement of difficult times, and the need to pull together, but best of all, the assurance that we CAN. We are able. We are strong, not just because we have big guns, but because we are a strong people, of a great heritage.

Everything I believe my faith teaches. The world is falling apart around us, we knew it would, indeed it must. But we need not experience it in fear, we instead are intended to band together, strive for what's right, and have faith that as we do so we as individuals and as a nation can be comforted.

I never realized until this night how much I have MISSED being able to sit and listen to our nation's leader and feel inspired. It was awesome. And only the beginning.

My children gave me weird looks, because when he ended, President-elect Obama said, "and God bless you." I immediately responded to the TV, "And God bless you."

I am only somewhat ashamed I was never inspired to say that back to Bush. Though I doubt I said it to any other president either. But I fear for this one. For the safety and strength of our country, I hope there are many praying for this man's safety, from the simple minded who might fear his color.

God bless and keep you, President-elect Obama. And thank God you are here.

Where have I been?

Sorry, I hope there are still a handful of people out there who will stop by now and again and see if I've written anything. Where have I been?

Well, right here in Maine. I've been:

*making phone calls for my calling (to find people to do service that needs doing)
*helping out in Primary
*decorating a Christmas tree
*tutoring
*babysitting
*assimilating truckloads of new things into my home (i.e. Christmas)
*reading a series of books (I'm on book 3)
*laundry
*playing Settlers of Catan
*taking down the Christmas tree
*sweeping
*watched Bedtime Stories at the movie theater (LOVED it)
*watched Bill make homemade ice cream that wouldn't solidify
*volunteering to make copies at the school
*answering emails from teachers about my kids
*cooking dinner for 9+ (we've had a full house a lot lately, it's noisy but a lot of fun)
*sorted all my pictures through 2008 and archived them on my EHD
*washing my bathroom mirrors. Over and over. I'll blog that later.
*painting trim
*eating brownie batter
*baking cream cheese chocolate chip cookies. They aren't that good, but Nicki and Melissa liked them.
*attempted to scrapbook, once.
*sending kids out in the snow to play
*wiping up snow when kids come in
*forgetting to tend the fire
*moved furniture for Melissa
*dragged Nicki to Melissa's to run phone wire
*throwing away broken toys
*wishing I had SOMETHING to blog about.

And then on Thanksgiving...

I took these pictures in the morning:

Why was I out in the icy cold? Because my family was invited to do this:

...with some families from church. Yes, they are playing football. It turned out to be the Hydes, Jones, and Howatts, which is a REALLY fun combination! It was David Hyde's idea, I do believe, and they all really got into it.

Team MVPs:

Is this legal? Or what they call holding?

They want to make it a tradition, I do believe the flyer said first annual. I'm not sure Bill will be able to handle it very many years, though!!

Innocence

My kids are playing on the living room floor. There's a race track, you snap it together and then have little push things to make the cars go, two at a time. They are laughing, they are joking, making wise-cracks about little old ladies' driving, and naturally arguing a bit here and there.

The TV is blaring the evening news, national news. Completely unawares, my boys are having a wonderful time while the words and phrases unemployment, poor sales, financial bailouts, and recession are thrown around the room, literally over their heads.

Ah, to be a kid again. It's the ONLY moment of my life that I have ever thought that.

Sorry...

It's been a rough couple of days. I have a really cute video of Z I want to upload, and will try to do it tomorrow, but my gracious, all I want to do today is veg. I'm emotionally drained. Sorry, I wish I was more chipper!

On an upbeat note, we attended a baptism of a little friend of Michael's on Saturday. It was precious, I think the best part was when his Grandpa (an amazing man, what little I have seen of him) answered his cell phone while speaking from the pulpit. It was the boy's aunt, calling from out west to congratulate him! I don't think I've ever seen a phone answered while speaking from the pulpit before! It was great, so great that families can stay in touch for special moments, even when miles separate them.

I'm so grateful my children have their family near, even if we haven't been well enough to visit then lately, it's good to know they are there when we need them!

Decorating Eggs... and toes!

We have invited Linda to decorate eggs with us the last couple of years, in fact the first year we did was apparently the first time she had ever done it!

This year was no different, but having had an afternoon with a houseful of kids already she didn't sound very certain she would be coming. So in the late afternoon it occurred to me to have Dustin call Uncle Kevin, and see if he and Joy might want to come decorate eggs with us, and sure enough, they did! Having company keeps Mom and Dad from yelling too much It's always nice to include extra family in our activities!

They didn't decorate any eggs, though. They were just as happy to watch Zachary, and help him a little bit!

Then Kevin thought it would be funny to paint Zachary's toenail with the egg dye. Zachary looked a bit nervous about the whole idea, and got down from his lap to show Mommy. Mommy said, "OOOHHH, did Uncle Kevin paint your toe? Isn't it pretty?" Zachary decided it was safe, and went back to Kevin to get the other 9 painted! Such a riot!