Have you Missed Me?

Yes, it has been awhile. Between pregnancy, working 20 hour weeks, appointments, and baseball, all the life has been sucked out of me. I even went weeks without going to Walmart because who had the time? Or energy? And our pantry shows it. I mean I already knew but reaffirmed the idea that when you make the money there's no time to spend it, but when you have the time there's no money to spend!

You did notice I've been gone, right?

Well, we have chosen a name for our blessed baby boy, and I have a whole big blog post started on it, but I want to add a few things, so check back tomorrow, it should be up!

BTW, for some reason I don't get cool email anymore. I mean I get store emails, and the MSFFF (some Firefighter thing) sends me email, but I feel like there used to be so much more.

*sigh*

I need to slow down...

I wake up every morning feeling tired enough to go back to bed. I'm thinking about calling to postpone my doc appointment and ultrasound so I can get extra sleep.






Oh, I kid! I'm beat, but the suspense is killing me too!!

I managed to get through Monday on a sugar high... the nurse called at 8 am and told me I passed the glucose test! WOO HOO!! I beat the lousy system!

Saturday we had double header of baseball, and the game before ran late, so we were there awhile. I got a sunburn, which was nice! Bill baked apple pie for the birthday boy Saturday night, and decided we need nighttime fire drills. The pies ran over and burned on. He let a puff of smoke out of the oven when he took them out, and all the detectors went off!! But NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE budged. He told us in the morning, and we were all, huh, never heard it.

Dustin turned 13 Sunday, which deserves a post with pictures, but right now I just don't have time to upload anything to blogger. I do have pictures though. Monday night I ordered his Lego NXT for him (he almost had enough with this years birthday money added to the year of cash he has been saving) so he's thrilled. On the teenager note, I asked the school secretary to have him call me when it was between classes. He did, and I was explaining to him I wouldn't be home after school and why. He interrupts me, and says, "Mom?" "What?" "I'm missing gym class."

Allrightythen.

Sunday we skipped church (2nd week in a row, not good) for the fireman's family breakfast. VERY yummy, and excellent service i must say. The officers on the dept cook and serve, you just sit down and great food keeps showing up!

We found the kitchen counters Sunday afternoon, no small feat for those of you who have been in my house! They still look good, but in the process of cleaning this weekend I lost my laptop cord. VERY BAD. Of course, Bill (aka Daddy Finder of All Things Temporarily Misplaced) found it Monday night, in the couch cushions. Sigh.

I drove 142 miles for work Monday. Then after supper we helped a couple from Texas move into Wilton. They were great. I tagged along because with no nap, I thought Z would fall apart, and he insisted he was going. But he didn't, so we were out late. Then I worked Tuesday, starting with a meeting in Rumford, and after an afternoon nap and supper we went back to unload the rest of the U-Haul into a storage unit. Again, I went along to keep the kids out from underfoot, sure I could leave after a short time. We left at 815, which was still earlier than Daddy. They are such nice people though, I'm just glad they had the help.

So now, I blog. It's just the rundown of where I've been, but now you know. I'm bringing the laptop. I may be able to blog more there. But for now, back to bed.

Brace yourselves...

It's going to be one heck of a weekend.

I need to try to get to Walmart tonight in Farmington to pick up my Rx refills. While I'm there, if I get to go alone, I may get my hair shaved off cut. Please tell me it looks nice tomorrow, even if you live thousands of miles away and don't know what it looks like/looked like before.

Then, I am getting up at 6 am tomorrow to drive to Lewiston (45 min) and take a 3 hour sugar test that I absolutely refuse to fail. R.E.F.U.S.E. I intend to exercise in between drinks in order to boost my body's insulin production. I will also be fasting (both reasons why I will crawl out of bed that early to do it) which means unless you want to tell me my hair is fabulous you should avoid me tomorrow. Pregnant woman + messed up eating schedule = G.R.O.U.C.H.

I also need to purchase a gift for a certain young man who will be (gulp) 13 on Sunday.

My husband expects to be building a barn on Saturday morning, and as much through the day as he can manage.

Probably straight from Lewiston I will be going to Michael's first baseball game in Brettuns at noon. Unless of course I have to drive past it to pick him up so he can attend it, I really don't care to watch the team without him there. It will be followed by Brian's first baseball game, conveniently at Brettuns. On the plus side, they have a port a potty. On the even plusser side there's a little variety store just up the road with excellent, FLUSHING facilities. Then it will be time to bake a cake in preparation for the birthday festivities.

Hard to tell who's going to cook supper, might go for pizza.

And that folks, covers my day off!

Sunday of course will be filled with church until 1, followed directly by a nap, and then a birthday supper of Italian Casserole followed by a birthday party for the aforementioned 13 year old. He just announced he wants an apple pie. Hmmm. We've never not had cake in this family, I'll have to consult the apple pie maker (Bill). That could get me seriously off the hook though!

Relaxing, refreshing weekend, no?

And next weekend, I work 8 hours for Melissa on Saturday! Woo HOO!

FYI

Just thought you should know I'm still here.

Baseball is started. Red Sox Schmed Sox I root for the A's and the Bobcats. AYS teams, that is.

Everyone is grouchy round here. But we voted.

Finally finding a groove with the job. But now I have to go to a last minute meeting at 8:30 in the morning to get reemed out that our area isn't pulling it's weight. I'm pulling all the weight I agreed to pull, so we'll see how this goes.

Been a long day. Headed to bed very, VERY soon.

No, we still don't know if the baby is a boy or girl. May 6.

My Blessings

I want to thank everyone, including my aunts through email, for their sweet thoughts and comments, it has been really nice opening my email to sporadically find people thinking of us and wishing us well.


I also want to warn you, this blog is the closest thing I have to a journal right now. I have learned to hesitate from putting my most intimate thoughts, this is after all the Internet. And I enjoy meeting new friends and reading about each other's lives. There is a mom in Chicago who could be me five years ago!


But this whole pregnancy issue is such that I just feel I have embarked on an emotional roller coaster, and if you are willing to hang on tight you are invited to come. I can't promise where we will end up, unlike parks and Disney we may get dropped miles from the beginning. But the Lord promises me it will be where we need to be. I can't begin a separate pregnancy blog, as I have seen others do, because unlike other women being pregnant seems to consume every fiber of my being, and I can only be one person. If it's too much to take, know I love you, and won't be mad if you leave me for awhile.


At the moment, things are really good. I feel the need to count my blessings, they may not all be blessings in your eyes, but they sure are in mine!


1. First and foremost, my wonderful husband. The man is truly a gem, even though he had the nerve to ask me if I was ok when I was in the middle of barfing my guts out the other night. He also manages to do every little thing I ask him to, and the man keeps house better than me, even with a 50 hour a week job. The best part, is that when I ask him to come and sit with me instead of whatever he was doing, because I need a distraction from myself, he jumps to it. I could never get through this without him.


2. My kids. I have four, you know, potentially a fifth on the way. They love each other, they love me. They worry about me, they teach me, they even take care of me. My darling three year old loves to come up to me when I'm not feeling well and say, "Mommy, do you want me to get you a drink of water?" He also asked about Advil until I finally told him Mommy can't have Advil anymore right now. He's a peach. They all are. Michael hugs me with great frequency to help me feel better, and Brian and Dustin are quick to do anything, firewood into the stove, make their little brothers' lunch, anything I'm not up to doing. They even pick up toys and fold laundry, bless their hearts forever. Oh, and they read Zachary stories, a true gift.


3. My mom. My whole extended family, but really the most is my mom. I told her about all of this last Tuesday, and she called me that Friday morning to tell me she finally woke up without a headache. She thinks she is past worrying now, because really she is not a worrier and worrying won't help a thing anyway!


4. I have enough. I have a warm house, food to eat, clothes for myself and my family, and even a little extra. We even got satellite service back this week, I never knew how much I would miss Noggin.


***WARNING*** It's about to become VERY random.


5. Noggin. I actually watched it the first hour after the installer left, even though the older boys were at a movie and Z was asleep!


6. I've been feeling a bit better since Sunday. Smells still get me badly, but yesterday I even forgot to eat my mid-morning snack until my stomach lurched.


7. I threw up last night. It was the after taste in my mouth that did it, it was nauseating so I tried brushing my teeth, figuring either I'd be better off or puke. I puked.


8. Puking is a blessing to list. You see, miscarriage tends to follow feeling suddenly better, as my hormone levels drop. So being sick like that suggests still pregnant.


9. Still pregnant seems like a blessing. A week ago, it didn't, but man, if my pregnancy could go on like this, I could not just live with it, but be happy in the midst!! Ah, the gifts of God.


10. Prayer. I am so grateful I can talk to my Father in Heaven, and know that He will listen to me, and help me feel better, even if the trial doesn't go away.


11. Scriptures. I have my very own copy you know. There was a time that such a thing was hard to come by. Now scriptures are everywhere, even on the .net, and yet people don't make the time to read them. Lately, I have made time, and I am grateful. If this pregnancy doesn't result in a baby, but does result in my daily scripture study being strengthened, it will all be worth it.


12. My friends. I have great friends online, but I have superfabulousfantastical friends in real life. They are good to me.


13. Sneakers. I like my sneakers.

OK, I'm tired now. The rest of my blessings will be numbered in my head. Nap time.

Best Laid Plans...

I haven't been around much, sorry about that. I have an award from Jenn and a give away win from Tracey I meant to post, since DECEMBER, but I figured the Christmas rush would be over and I would have plenty of time.

I FINALLY took down my Christmas cards, yes, on VALENTINE's Day.

I still need to take my Christmas/Winter decorations off my front door, but don't have the gumption to do it.

I lay on the couch most of the time feeling nauseous, and none of my clothes are loose enough to be comfortable, but I haven't gained weight. I rarely have had the energy to even use my laptop, sitting upright for long is just too uncomfortable.

I've puked three times in the last week, but I don't have the flu.

I can't cook dinner any more, the smell of it drives me to hide under the blankets of my bed, and I refuse to allow my husband to cook anything for longer than 20 minutes, same reason. I did put a roast in a crock pot yesterday with no problem, but I let it cook in our garage.

I can't stay up past nine without feeling disgustingly bloated up so that I can't stand myself anymore.

I overheat at the drop of a hat, and the overheating makes me nauseous. But my feet are ALWAYS freezing cold.

So, if you showed up to read this, and made it this far, you either know what I'm about to say, or deserve to find out.

I'm pregnant.

Yeah. Uh huh. I know. We can't afford it, we have no where to put him/her (her? who are we kidding?) and after the last pregnancy the odds that this one will go well are extremely slim.

And I don't want to be pregnant. Yes, I know what causes it, the methods of prevention, not to get careless, please spare us the lectures. We do, well, did all that, and here I am. The only thing to save me now is divine intervention, which would be ok with me. My poor kids have suffered enough lately, the Lord has put us through a lot. It just seems mean spirited to ask them to go through this now.

OK, the part you hung in for. The reason you are still reading, and hopefully don't walk away hating me.

But, the Lord God Himself knows best for me, and my family, and this little person that appears to want to join us. He knows what will strengthen us, and what we can do to uplift His other children. He knows where we belong, and when we need to come, and I'll be darned if I am going to argue with Him about it.

No, even though my youngest born starts preschool this fall, and I had all sorts of ideas on how to spend that time (I even applied for a job, hah!!) the fact of the matter is the Lord knows best, and I trust Him.

I might not be too thrilled about it as I lay exhausted from... well, blogging, on my couch, but I'll get past that. And we will do what it takes to clothe, feed, and love another baby. Who will grow to be a fine young person who may very well save the world. The potential is always there. We just have to let God do His work.

Innocence

My kids are playing on the living room floor. There's a race track, you snap it together and then have little push things to make the cars go, two at a time. They are laughing, they are joking, making wise-cracks about little old ladies' driving, and naturally arguing a bit here and there.

The TV is blaring the evening news, national news. Completely unawares, my boys are having a wonderful time while the words and phrases unemployment, poor sales, financial bailouts, and recession are thrown around the room, literally over their heads.

Ah, to be a kid again. It's the ONLY moment of my life that I have ever thought that.

Rough Weekend

It started out ok. Bill is on call this week, and went in the morning early to help a family we are friends with move. I made a dinner for them in the crock pot, and then headed to there old place to help clean it out (renting and all, you want that deposit back!) with our boys. That was fun, Wells kids and Jones kids get along a little too well great, add water and sponges and, well, you get the idea.

Bill intended to meet up with us and help clean, but then got a call to go to Carrabassett Valley. There's a private school with dorms up there, they partly (intentionally) drained a reservoir, and the pump quit out. Apparently they wanted water for the weekend for the 2 or 3 people still there, even though they are planning to finish draining it Monday and will need it restarted again later in the week. We wouldn't have minded so much, but Saturday was also Bill's birthday. He worked, in the cold, until about 5:30.

While he worked, I peeled and canned carrots, we won't even talk about the hassle of the gasket here, frosted the cake and made lasagna. Home around 6:30, we rushed through supper, and then had cake.

Tired who?

Sunday, he leaves early for church as usual, we are there on time, classes separate, and Zachary finally goes to Nursery (after walking the halls with Daddy for fun!).

I'm sitting in a Sunday School class when I hear screaming/crying from the hall. Not certain it was Zachary (toss up between him and out little friend Daniel, I knew the scream well though) I went rushing to the hall. Zachary was bleeding from the forehead.

It was cleaned up and determined he had fallen, and just his bad luck his head struck the door hinge. He had a nice little gash, maybe half an inch. Then the great debate began, to stitch or not to stitch. While cosmetics suggested stitch (the comment was made he might wanna be president someday) practicality was screaming 3 year old for no other reason but to be pretty?

I hesitated.

But we couldn't get a Band-Aid to stay on. We only had generic ones.

So, we took him to the ER. I was told (after the hour and a half wait) that infection was highly unlikely with a head wound, they bleed enough at that area to cleanse it.

So apparently we should have gone to Rite-Aid for a real Band-Aid.

Well we didn't wait the hour and a half for nothing, so we went ahead with the stitches.

All 4.

Poor baby didn't stand a chance. The numbing agent they used (applied with a cotton ball taped to his head) moved, rendering it useless. So, to numb the spot he got 2 hideous shots in his forehead, and then of course the stitches that didn't hurt but sure felt/looked scary.

But he can still be president now.

I looked at Bill, and shook my head. Our 3 other boys, ages 12, 10, and almost 8, have never needed a stitch.

At 3 he's now had four.

This doesn't bode well for the future.

Confession

There's this really bad thing that happens in my life, every 4 to 6 weeks, that turns me absolutely insane. Nothing in the world is right, for anywhere from 4 to 8 days. I have been an absolute basket case for a week, finding it very difficult to hold things together. I burst into tears during a shower last Friday night, and when I was out of the bathroom I cried on my 12 year old's shoulder about missing my Granddad. Who died in 1997.

Yeah.

I was feeling quite hopeless, cause there was no apparent reason for my frustration. And then the bad thing happened. After only 3 weeks.

There may be hope for me yet. Stay tuned.

Oh, and like my new header? I owe it all to Robin, at http://www.pensieve.typepad.com/.

Thanks Robin! I needed the step by step direction! I hadn't read through your post, I just clicked on Wordle to find out what it was, then played around for a day before going back and seeing you had walked us through it. Thanks, it worked like a charm!

**UPDATE**

Tracey commented she hoped the day turned out better....

It actually got worse, my second boy lost his shoes. The 2 players rode the bus back to the school, and the rest of us stopped by the house to leave off my husband's truck and ride together. I had him drop the elementary boy and I at that school, figured we'd get a head start, while he waited for the team to be dismissed at the Middle School.

I toured the entire school with Michael.

They never showed.

We finally walked to the Middle School. I greeted the principal in the foyer, and asked if he had seen my boys. We have small classes, Dustin's class at last count was 45. By that, I mean in his GRADE. So the principal knows each student well.

Anyway, he said he had seen them, and that Brian was in socks.

I ask several teachers, trying to narrow down where they went, but the one thing they all knew was my son had no shoes on. He's not supposed to wear cleats in the building, so this was not terribly alarming. Yet.

Michael and I chatted awhile with Brian's homeroom teacher, the wife of the Assistant Fire Chief. Remind me to tell you of the canvas painting of my husband in his uniform.

Anyway, we finally gave up, mind you, I had scanned the parking lots and NOT seen my car. We went outside to sit and wait. Side note: I was dumb and left my cell phone in the van. Or I could have called him.

He finally appears, with 3 boys in tow. Turns out he had gone to the school gym. And the soccer field where they had played. And finally our house, to get old shoes. I told him he should never, EVER go to all that trouble again. Brian could have done the open house in socks.

We're hoping they are on the bus, luckily it was THEIR bus they ride every day, so he should be able to ask easily enough.

BUT...

THEN my day got better. At night, we all have a family prayer, and then each of us hug and kiss goodnight. I don't make my boys kiss, but I DO make them hug. It has yielded VERY good results so far. Anyway, Zachary, the 3 yo, was the last to give me a hug. He gave me a big kiss, where his face is smushed on my cheek and he just waits before he smacks. Then, he wrapped his still-toddler-chubby arms around my neck, and he says, "I love you, Mommy... You da best mommy in da whole WOLD!!"


And don't you forget it, kid!!! ;-)

Woes of the Soccer Mom...

Forgive me while I lament.

Yesterday was the first scheduled game for Middle School soccer. It was also sign ups for the youth league you play in before Middle School, and was conveniently to be held at the field where they were playing.

Or so I thought.

It rained. I mean it POURED yesterday. I went in to Walmart on a beautiful, pleasantly cloudy (no sun glare when driving) day, sure to be the remnant of the blasted-no-longer-hurricane we dealt with through the weekend, and as I was paying an hour (or ten, I lost count) later, a man walked by with a DRENCHED T-shirt. I mean WET. People commented and he said, "Yeah, it's POURING!"

And it continued to pour until 1 PM. Games were cancelled. End of story.

Uh. No.

Cancelled was the word the lovely school secretary used, no that was not sarcastic, I really do like her, she's very sweet.

It wasn't until I pulled out the schedule with my boys and commented, "So, I guess your first game of the season will be at Carrabec on Thursday, " that I heard, "No,m we're playing this one tomorrow, same time same place."

Oh.

Then I spent twenty minutes too long explaining to my second grader the difference between CANCELLED and POSTPONED.

Which is fine. I'm glad they will get to play.

NOT.

You see, we still had to sign up the younger one that day.

And then today? Today we are caring for a friend's 2 yo and bringing him home around 230, after the girl 5th grader I babysit before and after school gets here at 2:15, then be back for my elementary school boy to be dropped home at 3:10, scoot down the road 10 minutes for a 3:30 soccer game, return the middle schooler some time near 4:30 (half an hour early 'cuz her mom leaves work early on Wednesdays to take her to dance) get back to the games for the 5:00 start, when they are done run to the school (ten minutes back near home, we are lucky to live exactly 3 minutes from the school) for an elementary open house (6:00-7:00) and then hit the Middle school open house (6:30-7:30, don't you love how they don't COMPLETELY overlap?), and do you know where I will be come 8:00 PM?

The McDonald's drive-thru.

Yeah. Now excuse me, I need to ask Mother Google where the heck Carrabec is. And get directions on how to get there.

'Cuz I've heard of it, but never had cause to go there before.

Oh, uh, hi...

Haven't seen me in awhile, huh? Well, I got some new toys, that don't involve blogging.

Crazy talk, I know.

First, I got a new cell phone. It's an ipod, too. Which means I had to load it with music, which I still haven't fully sorted. Oh, and I downloaded tetris, so you know, that takes some of my time. I'm a bit addicted to it.

Then of course there's the start of school, which brings with it the start of soccer. My 2 oldest want to play middle school soccer this year, with almost every other fifth grader, so there were tryouts for the first time. On the plus side, they both made it. Or the down side, take your pick. They both stay at school an extra hour and a half, and with the steers still here to tend to it fills up our lives.

Dustin is taking Algebra 1 this year. It's putting him on a track for college courses his senior year. It also means an hour of homework for just math every night. He's very excited about it, and really wants it to work out. I believe he would say it is the number one priority as far as his responsibilities he's taken on.

Then there's Lego League. Both Brian and Dustin are doing it. It's starting as only once a week, in the evenings. So that day they will be home for all of 2 1/2 hours before they need to be back at school, and then when they come home it's bedtime. That 2 1/2 hours needs to accommodate homework, chores, and dinner. It's the first year I have ever really felt like I allowed my kids to be over-scheduled. We'll see how it goes.

My thoughts have been we'll have one difficult month, then the steers go up the road. Around the same time soccer will end. I would have discouraged the soccer, but Dustin's friends all play (except one, he's got a serious football dad) and he really was looking forward to it, even since last year.

On the plus side, Lego League will for sure also end in December, no chances to go to worlds this year, Maine isn't invited. If you could see me, I'm doing the little happy dance!

Oh yeah, and in other news, do I look different to you? That's because I am blogging from my brand new laptop that I bought so that I won't completely lose my marbles. So far, I still seem to be losing some, so the plan may backfire. The soccer "Play Day" almost did me in. It was this past Saturday, and required the kids to be there by 8, and from 9 til 4 pm they had 25 minute long games scheduled every half hour. 2 going at a time, and field hockey was doing something too. Yeah. It was hideous. Oh, and did I mention that Bill wasn't there? Or my mom? So it was me and the 4 kids. 2 of whom were bored stiff, and 2 of whom were exhausted. I'm learning more and more how exhausted = cranky!! And when I took out my camera to take pictures, my batteries died after trying to take 2 of the little boys playing on the monkey bars. *sigh*

Well, I'm going to leave you with that. I have a splitting headache, church made me cry today and that always leaves me with a headache. My husband is using my hairdryer to try to dry the steel toe work boots he left out in the rain last night. 4 inches of rain. From a hurricane leftover. The only steel toes he owns, and he has to wear them in the morning to go to work. I'd laugh, but it's just one more reminder of where our kids get all their disorganization from... THEIR PARENTS!!!!

To Aura, or not to Aura...

A tractor trailer with logs on it wiped out at least one telephone pole and numerous wires late yesterday morning. He drove for quite a while not knowing what he had done.

Why do I care?

Because my power flickered. It was... disturbed.

I had to turn the TV back on for kids. I had to turn my computer back on.

And my computer didn't work right. It usually flashes a little screen that says Compaq, 'cuz it's a Compaq and they don't want you to forget it. It got stuck on that screen.

I tried 50 million things, and then my brain shut down. It couldn't handle the idea of a fried computer. Not when some of my pictures and most of my video were not backed up. (Hear in your mind that famous Jack Nicholson line: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!)

I spent the afternoon in a fog, trying to talk to people who knew computers without having to spend money.

Nicki finally took my hard drive and put it in her computer. Everything was still on it. I would have shouted for joy, but I really hadn't allowed myself to worry yet! (Hear in your mind that famous Jack Nicholson line: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!)

Sorry, I really like that line!

So it must be the motherboard is fried. Right?

My brother (who fixes the computers for Leavitt High School a couple of towns over) agrees it may be the motherboard.

Me: How much are they?
Him: (laughs)
Me: No, really?
Him: It depends, it may not even be able to be replaced.
Me: How do you figure out if it can?
Him: You look at the motherboard and know what you're looking at.

He agrees to look at it, and says, "Bring it to my work tomorrow."

I am fully prepared to stop at his work, find out what motherboard it needs, and drive on to the city of Auburn and buy it. I am floored by the enormity of the high school I used to attend, first time I've ever driven in the parking lot since it was rebuilt. It's gargantuan.

My brother puts the hard drive back in. He turns it on. It boots up. The Compaq screen flashes by, 'cuz they want you to remember it's a Compaq. I see Count it all Joy's dish of jelly beans on my desktop, where I put it in February 'cuz it looked so springy.

Me: How'd you do that?
Him: I have an aura.
Me: No, really, was there a cord loose?
Him: No.
Me: Then what was it?
Him: I don't know, sometimes computers are strange.
Me: (in awe of his aura).

I go home, put my computer back in with its cords, and turn it on.

It reminds me it's a Compaq.

And freezes there. No jelly beans. No desktop. Just Compaq.

My brother has no aura.

I decide to try a different power strip.

It reminds me it's a Compaq, and then goes to jelly beans.

I breathe. Then I call my mom and have her email my brother so he knows he had no aura.

But he did save me a ton of money. 'Cuz I wasn't ever going to try plugging my computer into any other outlet. Not until I had bought a new motherboard anyway.

Thanks Jason. And thank you inventor of surge protectors.


(and tractor trailer driver, I know gas is expensive, but not as bad as how high your insurance is gonna get if you keep that up!! PLEASE STOP!)

Don't bother reading...

I'm bored.
and frustrated.
and out of sorts.

I've been suggesting to close friends I'd love to bulldoze my house and start over. I feel like everywhere I step in it there's a project awaiting me.

And we officially started potty training today. I learned my son pees every 20 minutes.

That's right. EVERY.TWENTY.MINUTES.

I'm living my day in 20 minute hazy fogs.

*sigh*

I HATE potty training.

I can't even get into the "Oh, yay, it's the last one I'll ever have to potty train, my baby is getting big, blah blah blah," mode.

IT. JUST. STINKS.

I've missed blogging memorable things, the steers are in the barn (the one clean thing on our property) and Dustin is now 12, and all I can bring myself to type is complaints.

Poor, poor, pitiful me.

Tomorrow should be better. I hope.

I warned you not to read it.

So much to blog, So little time.

Well, there will be no pictures of my kitchen.

Why? you ask. Go ahead, you know you want to.

Because thieves infiltrated my life.

No, we weren't robbed, officially. Some creep decided to steal a bunch of information from our local grocery store chain's computers, and they have 4.2 million credit and debit card numbers. And they are using them illegally. They had 4 of mine.

One was a Discover card, and from what I hear Discover is working on it. They contacted me and now the account is closed (it actually got used to buy gas in Georgia!!) and a new account number is being assigned.

Then we have 3 debit cards. Yeah, well, we actually HAVE eight, four normal sized and four key chain ones with the same numbers as the regular size. Don't judge me. We have 2 checking accounts (because I'm so organized. cough.) and there are two of us, so multiply or add 2 and 2 make 4.

"But what about the kitchen?!?!" you scream.

Right, well, because I needed to replace my cards, and wasn't going to wait indefinitely for them to arrive in the mail while millions of other people wait indefinitely for THEIRS to come in the mail, I went to my Credit Union.

'Cuz I am a debit card addict. I know, I had to go without one before, and it's not pretty.

And my credit union mailed me a letter saying if I come in to the building they can replace it, for free, right then and there.

So, I drive down to my credit union. At 10 am, thinking slow time of morning. The parking lot is unusually full, and I think, "OK, not such a slow time. But really, how bad can it be? And I want my card. Now."

So I unbuckle the 2 year old. That's right, I have a 2 year old attached at the hip (I wish, then he wouldn't run away) where ever I travel. And I enter the Credit Union, am asked if I want to wait in line for a card, and my name is put on the list and I'm guided to a waiting room. One of three waiting rooms. One of three FULL waiting rooms.

Turns out, my Credit Union mailed a similar letter to almost everyone else that uses it. This grocery store is less then a mile from where the Credit Union is.

So, the 2 year old is handed a coloring book and a pack of crayons with 6 of the cutest little crayons in it, and we sit.

I knew it was bad when I noticed the little water bottles being given away for free. We were in for it.

TWO HOURS LATER my name was called. That's right, I went up to make sure we were on the list only once, after everyone in the room I was in had walked in after me and several more names had been called. I have to say, though, it could have been so much worse. I heard the woman taking names tell someone that the man that kept coming and going was handling anyone who was really angry and irate. All we had in our area were people who, while not happy about it, knew that yelling wasn't going to get us anywhere. So we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

One lady came up to me and offered me a Very Hungry Caterpillar book to borrow to read to Zachary. That ate ten minutes.

They had a big plastic school bus, and a few other toys that interested Zachary here and there. And of course the color book. And climbing on his chair. All in all, he was really good. Although he did throw the bus at one point, but we were well into our second hour, and frankly I think I might have been benefited from throwing a bus at that point.

But it's done. I never got to Walmart, but I told Bill that since I replaced his card for him too, he owed me two hours of shopping at Walmart tonight. Alone.

That might almost be worth it. Almost.

Would someone please tell the person who stole the numbers that no one is impressed?

WARNING **GROUCHY**

Life would be easier if kids came with instructions.

I had a very productive day. I mean PRO.DUC.TIVE.

I decided last night I wanted to clean house today. Very unlike me, I know, but it does happen, and with all my illness I've had lots of opportunity to stare at what needs doing, unable to function well enough to do it. I decided to start in the dining room, because unlike the kitchen and living room it is further from the door and therefore harder to dump your crap there stays clean a bit longer.

I cleaned off the top of my china closet. My husband puts things there. I never put things there. When I can't find the phone, 9 times out of 10 it's there. Along with pliers, scissors, screws, tape, papers, nuts, Legos, and a whole lotta dust.

'Cuz I don't dust.

So I put away all that stuff. Well, most of that stuff, and what I can't recognize is set aside for him.

I then dusted the top of it. Then the sides. Then (brace yourselves) I washed the glass. It's beautiful. I mean really pretty. It keeps dust out well, in spite of it's unfortunate need of repair a few years back, so I don't have to dust all the junk things inside. I washed the two things I left on top.
It gleams and sparkles and stuff.

I swapped a load of laundry.

I vacuumed around and under it. My vac doesn't really fit under it, maybe Fiddle Dee Dee's son has one that would, but I used the hand thing to get the dust bunnies cause my dining room is carpeted though with four boys that's just gross.

Anyway, then I proceeded to vacuum to where the desk is in the next corner. I cleared and dusted it. Then I stacked all my friend's scrapbook stuff on it to vacuum the next area. I cleaned the things off the little kiddie table that I don't really have room for but my kids and I still like so we keep it. I put away papers from the windowsill
on the next wall that is about a foot deep and collects things. And some covers. Lids to plastic bins that I buy so I can be organized. Yeah.

I swapped the laundry, again.

Then I vacuumed more. Then I cleaned off the Monitor heater that you should never set things on, (we aren't using it this year, so of course, it collected things) and the pile of clothes that needed to be sorted by size and filed away in closets for summer and for the next kids to grow into. Then I cleaned off the bureau on the wall opposite the china closet. Which translates to I put away my nativity set. Yeah, I know.

More vacuuming, under the table as well, and then I came to the washer and dryer. Oh, my Internet friends, if you only knew. But I wasn't about to take before pictures. Now, it's this:

which is nice. That's laundry hanging above the appliances. Because the appliances were bought when Child One was 3 months old, and the poor dryer can't handle four boys.

Did you know that letting your 2 year old first child sit on top of the dryer when they brush their teeth 'cuz the dryer is in the bathroom back then and they can't run and squirm away might mean he will knock over a can of shaving cream 'cuz there's no counter near that sink to put it on and that then the shaving cream might leak on said dryer and you will be left with rusty peeled paint spots for the next 10+ years? Yeah, me neither.

Then I swapped the laundry.

Ok, so, from the dryer I put away cards. Two cards to one game, 20 or so go fish cards, a handful of War cards... yeah. And everything that comes out of my 11 year-old's pockets. And my husband's receipts. And threw out more nails and screws and stuff. And toys. Little crap ones that teachers give out as rewards 'cuz they can't afford real ones 'cuz no one pays them enough.

And then my kids were home. And cranky. And now, It's 4:44, I sit here, and blog to you, in a very. bad. mood.

Because I have a wonderful, clean room, that took me all day, and no one will appreciate it. Instead they will gripe, groan, and moan, and I will reprimand, and threaten time outs, and try to wrap my brain around why sometimes, they just can't be nice to each other. Or me.

*sigh*

Tomorrow, I tackle the kitchen.

Please. help. me.

And Ashleigh thought I was kidding...

Last Tuesday I woke up late (God bless Daylight Savings). When I finally shoved got the boys out the door, I called Melissa to see if she wanted to ride to Wally World with me.

She was getting out of the shower, and would call back. To avoid being in the shower when she called back, I figured I should do something productive while I wait. Then I thought "Nah..." So I turned on the computer to catch up on blogs.

Poor, sweet, Ashleigh. She has a daughter with spunk. Dustin never had it, nor Michael. But Brian and Zachary... Well... let's just say they're full of it.

I won't go into detail about Olivia, you can just click on Ansen and Ashleigh's link to the right for a detailed post about that! But I commented to Ashleigh that I'm so sorry, and commisserated how frustrating it is when you can't get one mess cleaned up without them making another while you're scrubbing the first. Then I told her I would let her know, on my blog, what exactly Z had been up to while I read her blog.

Sure enough, as I left the computer chair I heard, "I clean it up, Mommy."

Walk through the doorway, and I found a scene, much like this:

Unfortunately I had instinctively insisted he hand me the hand cream bottle, so I then had to recreate the scene to get the photo. I'm not sure posing him wiping up the hand-cream he slopped everywhere and then taking his picture really gets the disciplinary message across properly.

Ah well.

Then I spoke to Melissa, took my shower, and found this:

Don't judge me. My shower was less than 5 minutes, and I've given up on scolding them for putting stuff in their mouths. I do still scold against marbles and bouncy balls (they don't squish and are dangerously round), but my brother chewed on toys, I chewed on toys, my boys have all done it, and no one has choked, so frankly, I give up.

Brian is now (at 9) my child who tries the hardest to stay out of trouble, and in my good graces. I have hope for a light at the end of the tunnel.

Lucky for Zachary he's adorable! And I forgot to hit publish on this post for 9 whole days!!

Down for the count...

again. I've been sick, arguably still am judging by the exhaustion in my muscles and half a stuffy nose. But you can't keep a good man down. Or me, apparently.

So, I left off in a bit of a mood apparently. Well, it may not be much better, round 6, yes SIX of down for the count will do that to anyone. But I wanted to share with you a poem I revere keep on my fridge. I keep it because it can make me laugh, and cry, and laugh so hard I cry. I wish the author was known, I would love to thank her.

A Mother's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray my sanity to keep.

For if some peace I do not find,

I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.

I pray I find a little quiet

far from the daily family riot.

May I lie back-- not have to think

about what they're stuffing down the sink,

or who they're with or wher they're at

and what they're doing to the cat.

I pray for time all to myself

(did something just fall off a shelf?)

to cuddle in my nice, soft bed

(oh no, another goldfish--dead!)

Some silent moments for goodness sake

(did I just hear a window break?)

and that I need not cook or clean

(well heck, I've got the right to dream).

Yes now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray my wits about me keep.

But as I look around, I know

I must have lost them long ago!

Now, I love my children. I'm grateful they are busy, grateful there are 4 of them, and grateful they are strong, healthy, smart, interesting and exciting! I do not often wish for quiet, because I know, perhaps too well, that the day will come when they are gone from my home, and things will be more quiet than I ever could enjoy. That is why I laugh. and cry. and keep going.

The Curse of the Stay at Home Mom...

Didn't know we were cursed, did you? Well, call it a curse or a blessing, the title depends on the day and the mood around the house.

There is a common misconception among children of the Stay at Home Mother. That misconception is, that "Daddy is the axis that the whole world rotates on."

Don't get me wrong, I like Daddy. If I didn't like Daddy, there would be no children, therefore no SAHM title. But sometimes, the irrational level of idolization that is given to the position of father is a bit much to take.

As the SAHM, you are always there, wiping noses, encouraging homework (or schooling), getting the rooms cleaned, keeping the laundry done, making sure they are fed and out the door when necessary. You kiss the boo boos, make a last minute batch of muffins when there's no snack for school, buy the cereal they want, pay the mortgage so there's a roof over their head. You drive them to soccer, baseball, swim lessons, friends' houses, Lego League, and pick them up after open gym at 4. You keep the iPod charged, download the new music, find the right channel at the right time for Dora, and email the teachers to let them know the major events in their lives, of which there are too many.

You do all of this, while Dad is gone making the living. And Dad's job is not cushy, at least not at our house, he is often knee deep in water in a ditch, or out in the driving snow. He has customers whose houses are so nasty he immediately gets in the shower from walking in the door. He has the occasional mistake that eats him up inside, and the mistakes of others to clean up after. And it takes at least 50 hours of his week. I am not implying his job is easier or harder, it is only different.

But the children don't think about that. They just know he is gone (and needs to be), and that mean mommy is making them work, and not giving them extra cookies. She is resposible for those horrid naps, and if only Daddy could hear me cry out for him, he would come running and snuggle me to sleep in front of NASCAR.

So the moment there is a problem, nay, a qualm that they don't care for how Mommy is handling, They scream for Daddy.
"Daddy won't make me nap."
"Daddy won't make me eat my sandwich."
"Dad won't make me clean my room."
"Dad won't make me fold laundry."
"Dad will let me jump off the roof." (into the seven foot high snowbanking)
"Dad gets me toast when I'm sick."

Not necessarily all of it is true. But Dad isn't there to confirm it, and so Moms are left fighting the ideal.

There is a benefit to all of this, though. You see, when Dad comes home from his long day of work, they run to him, cling to him, and Mommy....


Gets a moment to breathe.

I'm not looking for any "Appreciate what you have..." Because I really do try to, all the time. But an Amen from those who know of what I speak, that would be nice.

Blogger was BROKEN!!!

It had me stressed right out. I mean, I tried to post Josiah's comment (very funny, by the way), and I got an error. I tried to get to my dashboard and report the error, receiving ANOTHER error. I tried to go to blogger's site to report both errors, terrified I'd been hit by a SPLOGGER, only to receive a THIRD error!!

*Don't laugh, just ask Lindsay*

*shudder*

But then I tried to read other blogger blogs that are normally just fine, and THEY weren't working either, I got the THIRD error again, and, well, that was only slightly settling.

I was going to blog the story of our cat, but frankly, I think I need to lie down. That hour of my life may have taken off five years!