I want to thank everyone, including my aunts through email, for their sweet thoughts and comments, it has been really nice opening my email to sporadically find people thinking of us and wishing us well.
I also want to warn you, this blog is the closest thing I have to a journal right now. I have learned to hesitate from putting my most intimate thoughts, this is after all the Internet. And I enjoy meeting new friends and reading about each other's lives. There is a mom in Chicago who could be me five years ago!
But this whole pregnancy issue is such that I just feel I have embarked on an emotional roller coaster, and if you are willing to hang on tight you are invited to come. I can't promise where we will end up, unlike parks and Disney we may get dropped miles from the beginning. But the Lord promises me it will be where we need to be. I can't begin a separate pregnancy blog, as I have seen others do, because unlike other women being pregnant seems to consume every fiber of my being, and I can only be one person. If it's too much to take, know I love you, and won't be mad if you leave me for awhile.
At the moment, things are really good. I feel the need to count my blessings, they may not all be blessings in your eyes, but they sure are in mine!
1. First and foremost, my wonderful husband. The man is truly a gem, even though he had the nerve to ask me if I was ok when I was in the middle of barfing my guts out the other night. He also manages to do every little thing I ask him to, and the man keeps house better than me, even with a 50 hour a week job. The best part, is that when I ask him to come and sit with me instead of whatever he was doing, because I need a distraction from myself, he jumps to it. I could never get through this without him.
2. My kids. I have four, you know, potentially a fifth on the way. They love each other, they love me. They worry about me, they teach me, they even take care of me. My darling three year old loves to come up to me when I'm not feeling well and say, "Mommy, do you want me to get you a drink of water?" He also asked about Advil until I finally told him Mommy can't have Advil anymore right now. He's a peach. They all are. Michael hugs me with great frequency to help me feel better, and Brian and Dustin are quick to do anything, firewood into the stove, make their little brothers' lunch, anything I'm not up to doing. They even pick up toys and fold laundry, bless their hearts forever. Oh, and they read Zachary stories, a true gift.
3. My mom. My whole extended family, but really the most is my mom. I told her about all of this last Tuesday, and she called me that Friday morning to tell me she finally woke up without a headache. She thinks she is past worrying now, because really she is not a worrier and worrying won't help a thing anyway!
4. I have enough. I have a warm house, food to eat, clothes for myself and my family, and even a little extra. We even got satellite service back this week, I never knew how much I would miss Noggin.
***WARNING*** It's about to become VERY random.
5. Noggin. I actually watched it the first hour after the installer left, even though the older boys were at a movie and Z was asleep!
6. I've been feeling a bit better since Sunday. Smells still get me badly, but yesterday I even forgot to eat my mid-morning snack until my stomach lurched.
7. I threw up last night. It was the after taste in my mouth that did it, it was nauseating so I tried brushing my teeth, figuring either I'd be better off or puke. I puked.
8. Puking is a blessing to list. You see, miscarriage tends to follow feeling suddenly better, as my hormone levels drop. So being sick like that suggests still pregnant.
9. Still pregnant seems like a blessing. A week ago, it didn't, but man, if my pregnancy could go on like this, I could not just live with it, but be happy in the midst!! Ah, the gifts of God.
10. Prayer. I am so grateful I can talk to my Father in Heaven, and know that He will listen to me, and help me feel better, even if the trial doesn't go away.
11. Scriptures. I have my very own copy you know. There was a time that such a thing was hard to come by. Now scriptures are everywhere, even on the .net, and yet people don't make the time to read them. Lately, I have made time, and I am grateful. If this pregnancy doesn't result in a baby, but does result in my daily scripture study being strengthened, it will all be worth it.
12. My friends. I have great friends online, but I have superfabulousfantastical friends in real life. They are good to me.
13. Sneakers. I like my sneakers.
OK, I'm tired now. The rest of my blessings will be numbered in my head. Nap time.