First of all, I am not looking for sympathy. I don't need any I'm so sorrys anymore than I need I told you sos. What I do need is an opportunity to vent. And it's my blog, what better place to let it all out, right?
So we had a baby. He is wonderful, a beautiful blessing that is a prime example of how Heavenly Father's plan is so much better than ours.
We align our finances in an aggressive plan to pay off a large amount of debt in a manner of a few years.
Then we decide to add on to our house because our situation severely lacks order and sanity. After months of preparation, He reveals that it is a bad idea. So instead we pay off our van. Again, we trust His wisdom is inspired, and His vision is better than ours. We see it as a teaching moment to all of our children, about the need to listen to the whisperings of the Spirit.
We learn about a way that we can maybe get a bigger home for less money through an agency. We believe that all things align just so and decide it is a process we are to go through at least to gain knowledge. I have stated since before we found this home that when we bought a home it would need to be the one I could die in, because I never wanted to pack my crap up and haul it anywhere else. I loathe moving.
So we begin to open our minds to the ideas of moving or hiring out to have a major renovation done, one that still requires packing. The paperwork is begun, and the day arrives that we are to pay a processing fee.
But wait. That paid off van? Oh yeah, you know where this is going. The transmission quits. And I mean fried. We are talking a minimum $2,000 to fix, when it blue books for $2400.
So, please dear reader, do as I have done for several days now, and wrap your mind around this. We own a five passenger Ranger pickup truck. With 2 doors and a bench seat and two little jump seats in the back. We have a 13 year old who is 5' 3" or so, an almost twelve year old pushing 5', a 9 year old, a 4 year old, and a little baby in a honking infant car seat.
And so here I sit, typing out my problems to you. Can you solve them? Of course not, you can't buy me a van any more than I can buy me a van. Unless I get a loan, which the Credit Union will love and I'm sure it will impress the mortgage people too, never mind the fact that we were going to use the $ saved from payments to do small repairs in case we try to sell. HAH!
In the mean time I not only can't take all my children anywhere, but can't reasonably take the oldest and the youngest at the same time. Did I mention the driver's seat on the truck doesn't move forward? So you have to unbuckle the baby to get the oldest in and out, because Heaven knows he doesn't fit between me and it.
But I heard a couple of talks during general conference, only a couple mind you, but one touched my heart. A man told how his father passed when he was a child, leaving his mother alone to raise 4 small children. And she gave advice that will suit us all in this life. The end will be better than the beginning.
As we face our trials head on, we are often overwhelmed by the enormity of what lies ahead. But we must remember that all is for our good, and the end of the trial, when the lesson is learned and the iron has been purified by the fire, will be better than the beginning.
We often speak in my church about following the Spirit being like taking a step into a dark room, not knowing where the floor is but having faith there will be one. I don't know what the next holds, but I do know it will hold us up. We will eat, we will drink, we will love each other, and have our needs met. Where, how and when? Predicting that these days is not my job. I'm to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and smile.